Here is the song I wrote on the very first day I decided to try songwriting as an early-morning habit, March 8 of this year 2024. That habit stuck well and produced a pile of songs which are still in various levels of tweaking, and as I wrote in my last post (at the end of April!), I batch-recorded four of them to post on Youtube as I had time. (I shared one of the four in that post.)

Nobody’s been waiting with bated breath for the next release (including me!) but here it is just the same, after a longer hiatus than I intended. It was a busy beautiful summer and now I’m settling into a newer routine in which I’ve significantly cut back my day job hours to make more time for music once again, so I think the next Youtube release will be much quicker. Also still crossing my fingers for a complete album release this year, which has been in the works for several years.

But on to the song.

Many of us who grew up in the church are very familiar with Psalm 139, or at least we think we are. When it’s included in public readings, it often cuts out just before this part:

If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.

But these days (and probably not just these days), I think this part is something we need to acknowledge. We humans are often quick to judge and prone to righteous indignation, with violent imaginations that, paired with powerful weapons and polarized societies, bring us tragic consequences of wars, mass shootings, and assassination attempts. Not to mention all that doesn’t make the news, including and down to the cold and selfish ways we can each so habitually treat one another in our everyday interactions.

The beauty of this psalm is that it doesn’t end with the vengeful part. Here is the ending:

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

It’s no good to either ignore or justify our tendency towards hatred and violence. We must honestly name it out loud in the context of community – God* and neighbor** – seeking to be truly seen and known, and asking for help to live well together. “The way everlasting” is the only one that will ultimately work, that is sustainable and life-giving.

*However we each conceive of God, the concept is vital – none of us is all-sufficient unto ourselves. Something/someone is the ground from which we grow, the life that sustains us, and the overarching great beyond to which we are all ultimately drawn.

**Everyone is your neighbor.

Ok, really, on to the song.

You’ve searched me, you know me, my ups and downs
You feel me, you see me, you’re all around
Before a word is on my tongue you know
You lay your hand upon me

You’re higher, you’re lower, you’re everywhere
There’s nowhere I can go and you’re not there
Night shines like day, darkness is light to you
You lay your hand upon me

You found me, you formed me, my ins and outs
You read my life story before it starts
Your thoughts are vast, your works are wonderful
You lay your hand upon me

But all those bloodthirsty wicked ones
Couldn’t you wipe them out God?

Oh search me, know my heart, my anxious thoughts
Test me, and see where I’ve gone wrong
Lead me in everlasting ways with you
Oh lay your hand upon me