It was my 39th birthday yesterday. And I’m giving you a gift. A free record called Thirty Nine, a sort of faith and doubt memoir told through music.

I imagine these songs to be a sort of conversation, possibly going on in my head, possibly with God (and I think these two ideas are not mutually exclusive).

Here are some virtual liner notes, a little listener’s guide if you like:

“Bridges for Burning” – Some things, we lived through once, and that was plenty, and we can let go of them now. Others are worth holding like treasure, deep in the heart.

“From Your Love” – The euphoria and unshakeable confidence of a young fresh believer. Mostly quoting Paul, from his epistle to the Romans, chapter eight.

“So Good” – More euphoria, gratefulness, love.

“So Easy” – I begin to question myself. Really? Naive little girl, have you given any of this much thought?

“Ask” – Little girl begins to grow up, starts to voice questions that have grown bigger over the years she’s been squelching them.

“Epiphany” – God, never threatened by questions, always seeing to the heart of the matter, sings a not-exactly-soothing lullaby.

“Come Out and Play” – I wonder about this faith, hope and love I’ve staked my life on until now. And even if there is a lover of my soul, am I interested?

“Come Unto Me” – And still, God asks, invites, apparently also unthreatened by the possibility of public rejection and humiliation.

“Demystification” – Enough with the mystery and romance. I demand of God, explain yourself. Just show up.

“89 Degrees” – My world is burned, my heart is drowned. I’m about to turn the corner. Are you still there?

“Dreaming for You” – God sings – I have a dream, and it’s for you. (And I liked the way you started that last song so I’m doing a variation on it.)

“Farewell Fairytale” – I get the last word. Also the first, of the rest of my life. I burn some bridges, and walk on, in the wild wandering Way.